User:Neongenheg/Tony's Open Diet Coke
Tony's Open Diet Coke (unique consumable)
Tony's Open Diet Coke is a unique consumable that adds the Tony Affliction for six out-of-game years (roughly two-and-a-half in-game years) when consumed. Tony has the following effects on the player character:
- All Water in inventory is converted to Reverse Water. Any Water the player character picks up when Tony has a 85% chance to be converted to Reverse Water.
- If the player character's name is four characters or less, the player character's name is temporarily set to Tony!. Else, the player character's name is permanently set to Antonio!.
- Occupation is set to Walmart ⛧.
- True Calling is set to Walmart ⛧.
1998 Nissan Elantra is generated in the dungeon.
Note: For other ways to generate 98NE, see the quest page for A journey to the center of King Crimson's album In the Court of the Crimson King: An Observation by King Crimson (1968).- All doors are now hostile to the player.
[known bug]
Finding and consuming Tony's Open Diet Coke
The Wal-Mart sub-dungeon has a 48% chance to generate a 6 x 6 sub-room, which contains a built-in microwave, the 
Shrieking Icebox, and Tony's Open Diet Coke. If the room is generated, Tony's Open Diet Coke is also generated, either on the counter under the microwave or inside the Shrieking Icebox.
Retrieving Tony's Open Diet Coke from the Shrieking Icebox
To open the Shrieking Icebox to retrieve Tony's Open Diet Coke, do the following:
1. Use the [C]ajole command repeatedly until the Shrieking Icebox is comforted. When the Shrieking Icebox is comforted, you receive the following message:
The |
2. Use the [O]pen fridges and lockboxes command. You see the following message:
What do you want to open? |
Press 1 to select A fridge.
3. When you receive this message, press y to confirm that you want to open the fridge:
It sounds like you want to open a fridge. |
4. When you receive this message, use the numpad to confirm the direction in which you'd like to open a fridge:
Look, bud, I promise I'm not trying to be a pain in the ass here, but the last time I tried to guess what someone meant by "open that fridge", it turned into a whole thing and I damn near lost my job after being a command parser for almost a fuckin' decade, but APPARENTLY "the player is the expert here", so I'll ask one more time just to be absolutely sure: which fridge SPECIFICALLY are we talking about? |
5. When you receive this message, press y to confirm that there are no other nearby fridges that you want to open.
OK, so you want to open that one? Normally I'd say "no fuckin' way; that fridge is loud as hell and it sure as shit doesn't get any quieter if you open it", but it seems relatively chill right now, so I guess I don't see a good reason why not. |
6. When you receive this message, use the [O]pen fridges and lockboxes command and a directional key to indicate the direction of the Shrieking Icebox to open it.
Alright, but don't come cryin' to me if that wasn't the right fridge or whatever. |
Picking up Tony's Open Diet Coke
When you look at Tony's Open Diet Coke, the following message is displayed:
That's Tony's Diet Coke. Looks like he only drank half the can and left the rest of it here. I must have watched that guy open a thousand fuckin' Cokes but I'll be goddamned if I've ever seen him finish one. |
When the player uses get on Tony's Open Diet Coke, the player sees the following message:
I don't think that's your Diet Coke. Are you sure you want to take it? (y/n) |
If the player chooses y, the following message is displayed:
Your fuckin' funeral, dude! You just stole Tony's Coke, and he sets the schedule! Have fun working weekends for the rest of your life, dumbass! |
When consumed, the player sees the following two messages in sequence:
Uh-oh! You really fucked up this time! [more] |
and then:
You feel like Tony!. |
or:
You feel like Antonio!. |
Strategy and trivia
- Despite the implication of the messages, Tony is a member of the Mr. Manager faction, and thus is necessarily always aggressive to the player character.
- If the current Economic system is Late capitalism, then the player character usually must work weekends anyway (75% chance; 60% chance with the Kissass skill). This is unrelated to whether the player consumed Tony's Open Diet Coke or not.
Long-term game effects of Tony
The effects of Tony last six real-time years (approximately 2.8 game-years). After drinking Tony's Open Diet Coke, the following things apply to any character you play until Tony expires:
- The player is still prompted to enter a name during character creation. However, all player characters are automatically renamed Tony! or Antonio!.
- If the Name is left blank during character creation, the game displays the following message, and the player character's name is set to Tony! (34% chance by default, 37% chance with the skill Tony Time), or Antonio!:
You forgot to enter a name, dingus! Let's go with [Tony! or Antonio!]. |
- All player characters start with the Tony Affliction.
- All NPCs with the name "Tony" or "Antonio" have one or more of the following phrases prepended or appended to their name:
| Tony prefix | Tony suffix | Antonio prefixes | Antonio suffixes |
|---|---|---|---|
| Mega | and Tony's just wild about me | I'm only talkin' 'bout | We can dig it! |
| I'm just wild about | Hawk | Thank God it's | mayor of the local McDonald's on Foursquare |
| Ur- | inventor of the modern SCUBA suit | Ultra- | Space Marine |
Note: Additional punctuation and articles have been omitted from the above table for clarity, but are grammatically correct in their implementation in the game.
Here are some example names, drawn from message logs:
I'm just wild about Tony and Tony's just wild about me casts Doublebutt! [more] |
Thank God it's Antonio, mayor of the local McDonalds on Foursquare's |
I'm only talkin' 'bout Antonio! We can dig it! is trapped inside the high-capacity Holy |
Mega Tony Hawk furrows his brow and intones, "Return to me with all three Brothers Gibb, and I shall let you pass." |
Curing Tony
See the quest page for Tony's scheduled you to clopen for the last time. Catch up with Tony in the parking lot.
Strategy and trivia
- Any Water that is converted to Reverse Water when the player character contracts Tony stays as Reverse Water, even after the player is no longer Tony. This is a good opportunity in the mid-game to build stocks of Reverse Water for use during Competitive Warehouse Archery in the Dark, which offers an early opportunity to get the permanent buff Lived through Competitive Warehouse Archery in the Dark, simplifying the mid-game quest Help convince the guy who played Magnum P.I. to stop doing reverse-mortgage commercials.
- The Name Game skill still uses the player character's original name to calculate damage, even after contracting Tony.
- If the player character's name is set to Tony!, the name will revert to the name you chose during player creation after you complete Tony's scheduled you to clopen for the last time. Catch up with Tony in the parking lot.
- If any doors were friendly to the player character before consuming Tony's Open Diet Coke (for example, through use of the skills Compliment Aesthetics or Advanced Meta-Empathy, or by being promoted to Portal Authority, those doors will remain friendly, but contract Awkward Conversation. All rolls to influence doors now have a -5 penalty.
- The community often refers to the Tony's Open Diet Coke consumable as simply Tony, which is often a source of confusion for new players. The generally-accepted community term for Tony the affliction is the stolen-Coke blues, though usually simply "the Coke". For example, the sentence "Tony Davis consumed Tony's Open Diet Coke and contracted Tony" would instead read "Tony Davis consumed Tony and contracted the Coke.
- When you use the Hey extradimensional Kevin, Look skill on the
open Shrieking Icebox, you see the following messages:
extradimensional Kevin looks where you're pointing, at the open Diet Coke in the fridge. [more] |